its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
