My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
