I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I will pee on everything he values.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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