I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
