His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you had me at cake vodka
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
