You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
