Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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