i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
