I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
