I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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