I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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