I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Enjoy the penises
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
