i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
