I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
