i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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