If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
