does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
