2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
