Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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