I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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