when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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