Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize