So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
