Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
