Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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