I think my vagina is haunted
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
