people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The adults are the big ones right?
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