This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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