I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
