So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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