apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
