I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
