Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
