it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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