I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
