I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
