Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
