This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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