now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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