I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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