The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
