Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
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You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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