For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
