Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize