Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
