how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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