I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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