i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What a dumb baby whore.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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