He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
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