I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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