your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
