Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
