My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
