That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
