I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
