I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
