We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
