I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
