Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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