i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
