First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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