Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
