Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
