BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
