just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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