I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
