I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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