she woke up with a sticky ear
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
