weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
