Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
