im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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