I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I supernannyed him into submission
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
