About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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