On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
