I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
