There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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