I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
