If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
