As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
