"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
