Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
