I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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