There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
