He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
