So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
