Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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