i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
