My underwear smells like fireworks.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
