You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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